Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
