we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
