So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
