Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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