it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
