i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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