420 ftw
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
