and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize