Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
