I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize