so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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