He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize