Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
