hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
