i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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