oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
