apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
