My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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