I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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