Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
