Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Shame is for Republicans.
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