I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Congratulations! We have a period
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