I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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