I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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