fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
