God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
