Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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