i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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