It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
