i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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