you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
