I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
