just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
