I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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