We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
