so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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