OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
