Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
