I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
