That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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