when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
