My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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