GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
