and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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