i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
