I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
