He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
