you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
