the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
