i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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