I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
