this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
