Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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