i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
