I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
