I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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