id be glad to
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
