If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
