u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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