oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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