I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you never un-have a 4some
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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