they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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