Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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